So my husband and I were going back to bed for a power nap this morning, and I wanted a couple of spoonfuls of peach crisp before laying down. Don’t laugh. I was peeling the Saran Wrap off the peachy deliciousness with one hand and opening the silverware drawer with the other, keeping my concentration on the plastic wrap. I started to reach my hand into the drawer and glanced down to make sure that I was going to grab a spoon when I saw a 2 foot long snake coiled on top of my freakin silverware!!! I screamed and jumped back, and my husband – who is petrified of snakes and had been standing next to me – spun around with wide eyes asking “What??” I couldn’t speak. I just pointed to the drawer and when he looked in, it reminded me of the Home Improvement episode where Tim sees the snake and yells, “Theres a SNAKE in MY house!!!” My husband slammed the drawer shut and grabbed long pliers while I kept an eye on the now pissed off snake that was retreating into the cabinet. He grabbed it with the pliers and dropped it into a trash bag that I had waiting. We went outside and released it.

I never imagined that we’d have a snake just chilling in our house. I am not going to miss this place. Freakin snakes and spiders and swarms of bees that make their nests in my Jeep. No more. I can’t handle this weird Podunk dump. I want to go home. Now.